IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find the work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #friends #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, people are migrating to other nations and places in search of jobs.
This
Linking Words
 trend is followed mostly in underdeveloped countries, where getting
desired
Change the article
the desired
show examples
 job is not a cup of tea for everyone. Nowadays, it has become a school of debate, where some believe
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 advantageous for people,
while
Linking Words
 others oppose
this
Linking Words
 issue. In my school of thought, it has more benefits than demerits. I will explicate my points in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, it is irrefutable that
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 hard to leave family and friends, yet forks prefer to move to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
 for
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
better career opportunities. There are
myraids
Correct your spelling
myriads
myriad
 of benefits of it, where first and foremost and the most significant is having dream job with good salary packages and remuneration.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a person can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 all the dreams of his family meanwhile. To quote an example, it is usually seen that youngsters are changing the scenario of their
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 families by fulfilling their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 dreams and giving them a luxurious
lifesytle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
.
This
Linking Words
 is the result of doing jobs in developed nations and cities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, meanwhile, it has some disadvantages. Living alone, without near and dears makes the person depressed sometimes.
Linking Words
While residing
Correct word choice
Residing
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other places takes the person
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 stage of loneliness,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to dangerous mental problems.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it
Submitted by anupreet8727 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your conclusion wraps up your arguments effectively. Currently, it ends abruptly and leaves the essay feeling incomplete.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Some points could be elaborated further to provide a deeper analysis.
logical structure
Be more consistent with your use of linking words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples to support your main points, which helps strengthen your arguments.
supported main points
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and body paragraphs that address the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: