IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
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The Bar Graph compares
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of males and females of various ages from Australia who exercise regularly in the year 2010. The unit is measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, males above the
age
Use synonyms
 of 25 were predominantly more engaged in physical exercise as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females.
While
Linking Words
, it is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 for those below 25
age
Use synonyms
 where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 females
are exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
 regularly. In the beginning, from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 44, there is an exponential growth from 48% to 53% in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of men actively involved in regular
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
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 but,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, women showed a drop from 53% to 40% for the same. In the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 35 and above though, before dropping to 46%, the numbers remain stable at 53% for men in the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 45-64. But, for women
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
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 there was a rise in the number from 40% to 55% in the year 2010.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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