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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The chart provides information about the expenditure on
Food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
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, restaurant and
hotel
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 and entertainment among 5 different
age
Use synonyms
 groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data shows that
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 has been increased over time for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages.
However
Linking Words
, the restaurants and hotels from under
age
Use synonyms
 30 to 60 had a downward in percentage. Under 30, restaurant and
hotel
Use synonyms
 has decreased around 15%.
However
Linking Words
, the upward activities under 30
age
Use synonyms
 is the
food
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 and
drink
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. From 31 to 60, the rate of
food
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 and
drink
Use synonyms
 has been
Change preposition
in
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the same range
around
Change preposition
of around
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 12%.
However
Linking Words
,
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75 group ages
hitting
Wrong verb form
hit
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 the lowest point in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and
Use synonyms
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 than all other ages.
furthermore
Linking Words
, the entertainment suddenly increased about 22%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the data shows 76 and above
age
Use synonyms
 group has the highest range in
food
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 and
drink
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. Unlike the
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 and
hotel
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 activities which around 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Entertainment has low point around 13% in
age
Use synonyms
 76+.
Submitted by modhialarjani1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, drink, hotel, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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