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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The chart provides information about the expenditure on
Food
 and
drink
, restaurant and
hotel
 and entertainment among 5 different
age
 groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
Overall
, the data shows that
food
 and
drink
 has been increased over time for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages.
However
, the restaurants and hotels from under
age
 30 to 60 had a downward in percentage. Under 30, restaurant and
hotel
 has decreased around 15%.
However
, the upward activities under 30
age
 is the
food
 and
drink
. From 31 to 60, the rate of
food
 and
drink
 has been
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same range
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 12%.
However
,
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75 group ages
hitting
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
 the lowest point in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 than all other ages.
furthermore
, the entertainment suddenly increased about 22%.
In addition
, the data shows 76 and above
age
 group has the highest range in
food
 and
drink
. Unlike the
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 and
hotel
 activities which around 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Entertainment has low point around 13% in
age
 76+.
Submitted by modhialarjani1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, drink, hotel, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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