IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Universities should accept equal number of males and females students in every subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #males #females #students #subjects
Some believe that universities should admit
both
 sexes in equal quantity,
while
 others believe that some subjects are not compatible
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 women. I believe that some courses are not equally
beneficially
Change the word
beneficial
show examples
 for
both
 sexes.
This
 essay will discuss why it is not
necessay
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to give admission to
both
ladies
 and gents in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal amount. On the one hand, it is believed that some courses are not designed for women, in many construction companies owners prefer to hire boys only
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they perform
heavy duty
Add a hyphen
heavy-duty
show examples
jobs
 as compared to female workers. Another reason is that
ladies
 are more suitable for medical
jobs
 as compared to men, in many hospitals management
like
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
show examples
 to hire
ladies
Change noun form
ladies'
lady's
show examples
 nurses
instead
men
Correct word choice
of men
show examples
.
In addition
, some tasks
require
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
 to
perform
Wrong verb form
be performed
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote areas, where
ladies
 are not safe to work, in that
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
 if institutions register those students in their institutes , they may not get benefits from
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 studies.
For example
, climbing on electricity towers is not suitable for
ladies
due to
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
involved in these types of
jobs
.
Additionally
, some courses are designed for girls and some for boys, if institutions give admission to equal
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 in the same classes, it will not
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
 for
both
 genders.
For instance
,
ladies
 perform admin tasks very well because they have more patience than men. In conclusion, following the analysis,
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is good for everyone to get equal opportunities, so they can work together under one roof.
However
, it cannot be denied that some
jobs
 are very complex for each sex to perform
due to
 the requirement and nature of the work, so universities should
allow
Wrong verb form
be allowed
show examples
 to take independent decisions if they want to give admission in equal.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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task achievement
Consider developing a more balanced view on the topic, rather than focusing predominantly on stereotypical roles. This would enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Work on providing more clearly structured arguments and relevant examples to support your main points for a stronger response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to help connect your ideas smoothly. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and covers various aspects of the topic, showing an understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion which frame the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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