Nowadays, the ratio of diseases triggered by manufactured foods has been increasing around the world. However, many people still prefer to eat them as the staple due to the inexpensive price. I strongly agree with the opinion that processed foods should be made more expensive than now.
This
is a controversial issue regarding processed food
as it contains high levels of unhealthy ingredients such
as trans fat, sugars and sodium, which contribute to lifestyle disorders such
as diabetes, hypertension and obesity. Although
still some netizens believe in consuming frozen food
because it is affordable, do not want to waste time in
cooking. Change preposition
apply
Although
I agree with this
statement to increase the prices
of manufactured food
items
, I will explain with examples to support my views.
The first and foremost reason why I completely agree with this
statement is that increasing the prices
of food
items
will help discourage people
and encourage them to choose healthier food
items
, It will reduce the causes of food
-related diseases. Second,
heavy taxation, on frozen food
items
, not only reduces consumption but also
boosts the country's economy, which can be invested in health
initiatives and subsidies can be provided to
organic Change preposition
for
food
items
. For instance
,It has seen in Australia people
were not able to afford organic food
items
because of high prices
then
government started subsidies to organic Correct your spelling
the
food
producers with the money they earned from processed food
items
.As a result
,more people
will be able to buy healthy food
.
In addition
, higher prices
may motivate food
manufacturers to improve nutritional values according to
consumer needs, thereby ameliorating individual deficiencies.
On the contrary
, although
they have chosen the food
because of its convenience and affordability, long-term consumption will lead to unhealthy diet-related health
diseases that will burden them as well as
their families and communities. To illustrate this
,U S Oxford University revealed research data on the effect of long-term consumption of processed food
items
. 70% of people
suffer from lifestyle disorders due to
high trans fat and sugar intake. As a result
, it will have long-term adverse effects on health
.
Consequently
, despite the harmful effects on health
, people
believe in eating unhealthy foods due to
convenience and easy availability. I believe it would be good if the prices
of processed food
were high, it would improve the health
of the netizens and reduce the burden of lifestyle diseases.Submitted by harjass308 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. For example, the second and third body paragraphs could be more connected to show how higher prices will practically lead to a healthier population.
task achievement
Develop examples more fully to strengthen your points. For instance, you could detail how specific health initiatives funded by increased taxes on processed foods have worked in other countries.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and grammar to enhance readability. Simple language might sometimes serve you better than complex sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your stance and previews the points you will discuss.
task achievement
You provided a concrete example of government intervention in Australia, showing an understanding of how policy can impact food choices.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted both positive and negative aspects of processed foods, which adds depth to your analysis.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example