Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool.Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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There is an opinion that
computer
games
have larger drawbacks than benefits,
while
the other view values the advantages of
computer
games
over the disadvantages. I believe that the values of them should be given more importance than the side effects. On one hand,
computer
video
games
could affect people harmfully.
Firstly
, digital
games
can cause
simulation
Correct your spelling
stimulation
show examples
and excitement to players immediately to attract more customers and make larger
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
features,
therefore
, will make people feel bored
while
working and
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
.
Secondly
, when children get access to those
games
, they are easily
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
addicted to the simulation because their brains are still developing and cannot fully
self-discipline
Correct your spelling
self-disclose
show examples
.
Finally
, there are sometimes violent elements in
computer
games
which can cause minors
copying
Change the verb form
to copy
show examples
the wrong
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
For example
, PUBG, the most popular digital shooting game in recent years, is widely disputed for its brutal
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the advantages of video
games
are largely
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
the disadvantages.
The digital
Correct article usage
Digital
show examples
games
,
fundementally
Correct your spelling
fundamentally
speaking, are
techneques
Correct your spelling
techniques
to stimulate our real world. Some
games
such
as Assassinations copy the landscapes of Paris and Egypt.
Such
a feature can
also
help people to achieve their aims at lower costs.
For instance
, the Gym Ring of
Nentindo
Correct your spelling
Nintendo
allows
palyers
Correct your spelling
players
jogging
Change the verb form
to jog
show examples
and
admiring
Wrong verb form
admire
show examples
beautiful sceneries from the comfort of their homes, and the Drone Stimulator could help drone users
training
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
their controlling skills.
In addition
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of
computer
games
builds a possibility for us to totally stimulate the reality in
digital
Add an article
the digital
a digital
show examples
world, which is
also
a prospection of Metaverse. In conclusion,
although
computer
games
have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
disadvantages, I argue that the benefits of video
games
are overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
their drawbacks.
Submitted by dawn140140140140 on

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task achievement
Ensure you thoroughly address all parts of the task to achieve a balanced view. Both advantages and disadvantages should be evaluated comprehensively.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly and provide more relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and improve grammar to enhance clarity. Some sentences can be rephrased to avoid ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create a more logical flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Clear introduction that outlines both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Presence of a conclusion that effectively summarizes the essay's main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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