IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #queen #mary #construction #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The three maps depict significant changes which have happened in the
area
 of Queen Mary Hospital in three several years
such
 as 1960, 1980 and 2000.
Overall
, the
area
 had changed considerably with the changing of the buildings
such
 as shopping
centre
 and pharmacy. Regarding
Correct article usage
the nourth
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nourth
Correct your spelling
north
 side, it is interesting to note that there had been a
redevelpment
Correct your spelling
redevelopment
development
 of
shopping
Add an article
the shopping
show examples
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 into cancer
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 and
pharmace
Correct your spelling
pharmacy
 in 1980.
However
,
cancer
Add an article
the cancer
show examples
centre
 was enlarged by
relocated
Add an article
the relocated
show examples
 nursing
school
 and
takes
Wrong verb form
took
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 that
area
 in 2000. In terms of
south
Add an article
the south
show examples
 side,there used to be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
farmland in the southwest of the
area
 in 1960, but by 1980, the farmland had been removed and replaced by a nursing
school
.
In contrast
, by 2000, a notable change occurred with the nursing
school
 and car park being reduced in size, and the nursing
school
 was relocated near the car park.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, centre, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • initial facilities
  • replacement
  • significant extension
  • absorbed
  • developments
  • introduction
  • adjacent
  • evolution
  • enhancing healthcare services
  • commercial spaces
  • medical facilities
  • expansion
  • modern healthcare needs
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