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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #phones #features #phone #summarise #information #comparisons
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The table depicts data on the proportion of
residenta
Correct your spelling
residents
resident
 who used
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 with varied applications on their phone, observed for
4-year
Add an article
a 4-year
the 4-year
show examples
 period from 2006 to 2010.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, the phone's
feature
Use synonyms
 to make calls was the highest
feature
Use synonyms
 that
use
Wrong verb form
was used
show examples
 by residents in 4
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
, it almost reached
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 number
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 100%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sending and
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 text messages was the second greatest figure
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used by residents
although
Linking Words
 it grew slowly
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 73% in 2006, 75% and 79% respectively, every 2
years
Use synonyms
 later, followed by
take
Correct article usage
the take
show examples
 photo
feature
Use synonyms
 that increased
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
% each year and reached 76% at
last
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 who used
play
Fix the infinitive
to play
show examples
 games, play music, and
record
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 were below 50% during the 4
years
Use synonyms
 stages. Meanwhile, there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 incline from 0% used
Use synonyms
record
Add the particle
to record
show examples
video
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 rose moderately to 9%, and peaked at 35% in 2008.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
record
Use synonyms
video
Use synonyms
outraced
Add a missing verb
was outraced
show examples
 by the
feature
Use synonyms
 of
search
Wrong verb form
searching
show examples
 the internet, which started with none of
residents
Add an article
the residents
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
thi
Correct your spelling
this
the
feature
Use synonyms
 in 2006,
then
Linking Words
 inclined significantly to 41% and 73% only in the 2
years
Use synonyms
 separation. In conclusion,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the phase, more than a half
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
Add an article
the citizen
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used features
such
Linking Words
 as
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 calls,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 photos,
send
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 text messages.
wherease
Correct your spelling
where
 under 50% of citizens were used
play
Wrong verb form
to playing
show examples
 games,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 music, and
Use synonyms
record
Replace the word
recording
show examples
video
Use synonyms
 during during a phase of 4
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pratiwi.fadhilah11 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words feature, years, record, video with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • features
  • usage
  • between 2006 and 2010
  • trends
  • increasing
  • decreasing
  • popularity
  • basic features
  • advanced features
  • internet browsing
  • playing games
  • significant changes
  • emerging trends
  • speculate
  • comparison
  • over time
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