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Writing Samples
Band 1.5

two trends show population of suthern pacific ocean countries frome 1950and projections of 2040.one by urban/rural country, and the other is breakdown by age group.

#two #trends #show #population #suthern #ocean #countries #frome #projections #country #breakdown #age #group
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The line chart provides information about the population of
Correct article usage
the suthern
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suthern
Correct your spelling
southern
pacific ocean
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Pacific Ocean
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 in Total, Rural and Urban from 1950 and 2040, and the other is
breakdown
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broken down
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 by
age
group
.
Overall
, Total clearly shows the highest point than the other country.
In addition
,
age
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the age
show examples
group
 from 15-65 years old increase the rate
around
Change preposition
to around
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 35 in 2040.
Total
Add an article
The total
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 was the upward of number population from 1950 to 2040.
However
, in 2040 Total and Urban
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very close
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 around 40.
Furthermore
,
accourding
Correct your spelling
according
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 data Urban have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same rate
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 5 from 1950 to 2040. The data shows the
age
group
frome
Correct your spelling
from
 15- 65 years old was to
contiuny
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continue
 to raise, unlike the other
age
group
. In 1950, population in the
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 15-65 and over 65 was the same range about 2.5 .
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the
age
group
 from 15 to over 65 have
Correct article usage
a stabel
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stabel
Correct your spelling
stable
 rate
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 5 from 1960 to 2040.
Submitted by modhialarjani1999 on

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task achievement
Ensure to clearly differentiate between 'Total', 'Urban', and 'Rural' categories when describing the data to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay by clearly structuring the paragraphs to discuss one data trend at a time; for instance, first discuss the population trends in 'Total', 'Urban', and 'Rural' and then move on to the age group breakdown.
supported main points
Use more specific details and data points from the chart to support your descriptions and comparisons.
introduction conclusion present
Add a clearer introduction to set the context of the essay and a stronger conclusion to summarize the key points discussed.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay provides a general overview of the data trends, identifying key points such as the increase in the total population and the rise in the 15-65 age group.
relevant specific examples
The comparison between different categories (Total, Urban, Rural) is attempted, which adds depth to the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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