IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The char below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

#char #information #families #country #income
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the change in average family spending for a week with per cent of their weekly income in 1968 and 2018. In 1968 the in-demand
category
Use synonyms
 was food with 35%.
This
Linking Words
category
Use synonyms
 was the main spending for family income
on the other hand
Linking Words
 in 2018 it decreased by about 2 times from 35% to 17%. The fuel and power
category
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was one-fifth of the food
category
Use synonyms
 with 7%
therefore
Linking Words
 it was in the less spending
category
Use synonyms
. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of the Housing
category
Use synonyms
 and “clothing and footwear” section were the same at 10% of the family’s weekly income. In 2018 the percentage of the Leisure spending
category
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was 24,
according to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it was triple than
rate
Use synonyms
 of the personal goods
category
Use synonyms
. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of the Household goods
category
Use synonyms
 remained constant from 1968 to 2018 at 8%. The transport
category
Use synonyms
 rapidly increased between 1968 and 2018 by around 8%. The percentages of the “Clothing and footwear” and “personal goods” categories were slightly reduced from 10 to 5 and from 14 to 7, respectively.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to provide a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph.
task achievement
Proofread your work for minor grammatical issues and ensure that data references are precise and clear.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that comparisons between the years are consistent in terms of structure for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing an explicit concluding sentence to summarize key points and trends observed.
task achievement
You have identified the major trends and changes between the two years effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically proceeds from a general description to specific details, which aids understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: