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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the uk for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the uk for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart compares the amount of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who travelled to the UK for various purposes over a
period
Use synonyms
 of 20 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can notice that the main purpose of travellers was a holiday,
whereas
Linking Words
 the sum of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who came for regarding 2 targets increased over time, but saw a decline
at the end
Linking Words
. At the beginning of
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
, holidays were the main purpose of
visitors
Use synonyms
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 numbered around 6.5
million
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who came to the UK for business and meetings was respectively 5 and around 3.5
million
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, from around 1993 to
2004
Add a comma
2004,
show examples
 the
visitors
Use synonyms
' sum saw a fluctuation returning to 6.5
million
Use synonyms
, but the amount of people who chose business and meetings increased moderately at the same time. From 2004 to the end of
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 the sum of
visitors
Use synonyms
 rose again to around 9
million
Use synonyms
,
accordingly
Linking Words
 it reached its peak. Regarding 2 types of travelling, there was a steady increase in the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from just
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 1
million
Use synonyms
 for both business and meeting purposes from 2004 to 2009.
However
Linking Words
, they saw a slight decline
at the end
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 from 8 to 7
million
Use synonyms
 and from 7 to 6
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, period, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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