Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some countries define the
retirement
age
at 65 years
for employees
and people
have different views on this
. Some people
believe it's not the appropriate age
to retire and get a pension others say it a necessary to improve the economy. In my opinion, I consider the best time for workers
and employees
to retire is at 55 years
old because after 60 years
the production and the physical condition of the employees
will dramatically decrease.
Firstly
, I believe that workers
and employees
when they reach retirement
age
(e.g. 60 years
) their mental and physical conditions will decrease so it is not in the best for companies
' benefits to have extended retirement
ages for their workers
and employees
. Furthermore
, when companies
have earlier employees
to retire this
will reduce their expenses and increase their profits by reducing the salaries bill for its employees
. Also
, it will allow companies
and other institutions to have more active young workers
who can do tasks more actively and on time.
Secondly
, I think the workers
who should benefit from early retirement
are workers
in a field that requires muscle strength because when people
get old their strength becomes lower. In addition
, for employees
who do office tasks their health decreases will increase with age
.
To sum up
, I believe the best age
for people
to retire is 55 years
old. This
is a two side
benefit for Correct your spelling
two-sided
companies
and for employees
since the employees
will get their pension at an early age
and enjoy the remaining time with their families and for companies
as their productivity will not be affected by these people
.Submitted by basemhamedd on
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task achievement
Although you have presented your opinion and provided reasons for it, the essay lacks specific examples that could strengthen your argument. Add examples from different professions or personal experiences to make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical order, working on transitions between paragraphs could further improve flow. Try using transitional phrases to link ideas more seamlessly, enhancing the overall coherence.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'best time for workers and employees' and 'health decreases will increase with age'. Cleaner syntax would contribute to clearer expression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both parts of the prompt, offering your opinion and specifying which types of workers should benefit from early retirement.
coherence cohesion
Your organization of points under distinct paragraphs is commendable; it makes the essay easier to read and understand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.