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Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving neighbourhood or teaching a sport to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sport #children
I have two main mid-term future goals. First of all, I want to apply for a medical speciality training program in Internal Medicine in Colombia between October and November
in
Change preposition
apply
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2025 to start it in 2026.
Therefore
,
this
 diploma will complete my curriculum to be more competitive and outstanding.
Secondly
, I will implement in my native country all the strategies, techniques and knowledge I will acquire. I consider
this
 ‘Graduate Diploma of Public Health’ a proper way not only to boost my curriculum but
also
 to learn innovative techniques in
this
 field.
This
 program appeals to me because of its balance between mandatory and elective subjects. There are 5 core subjects which thoroughly fit a relationship among social, cultural and behavioural factors, environmental issues, economic management, and epidemiology. What is more,
this
 ‘Graduate Diploma’ has five specialisation subjects which allow us to focus on improving specific skills. From my perspective, the most interesting electives are ‘Digital Health and Informatics’, ‘Biostatistics’, and ‘Health Policy and Advocacy’.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between your ideas. Use transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. For example, after mentioning your first goal, introduce your second goal with clear linking words or sentences.
Task Achievement
Although your essay generally addresses key points and provides relevant examples, try to delve deeper into each example to strengthen your arguments. Expanding on how specific electives will help you achieve your long-term goals can add depth to your reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Start with a brief introduction that outlines what you will be discussing, and end with a conclusive paragraph summarizing your main points.
Task Achievement
You have a clear and comprehensive response to the task, effectively outlining your goals and how the diploma will help achieve them.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples like mentioning particular electives (e.g., 'Digital Health and Informatics') shows good knowledge and relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a good attempt at organizing the essay with two main points, each discussed with some degree of detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing flows relatively well and is easy to follow. The content is pertinent and sticks to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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