IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It seems like you're writing an essay about the debate on building new homes in the countryside versus preserving the natural environment. Here's a rewritten version of your text with corrected grammar and clarity:

#re #debate #homes #countryside #environment #version #text #grammar #clarity
"In today's developing era, new shelters are essential for individuals, but space limitations pose a significant future concern.
As a result
, more space is being utilized to construct new buildings in the
countryside
.
While
 some people believe it's crucial to protect the
countryside
 and not build new homes there, I agree with the latter statement. There are several reasons to develop new houses in rural areas.
Due to
 urbanization, little space is available in cities, making it extremely expensive to purchase. People opt to live in suburbs to escape air pollution, traffic, and noise pollution.
Moreover
, individuals prefer to eat healthy food, which is more accessible in the
countryside
. Despite suffering from some drawbacks, I firmly believe that developing new houses in rural areas is beneficial. The
countryside
 offers a serene environment, abundant natural resources, and a healthier lifestyle. By building new homes in these areas, we can:
However
, it's essential to strike a balance between development and conservation. We must ensure that new constructions are environmentally friendly, respect local ecosystems, and prioritize sustainable practices."
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on

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advice
Ensure that your essay provides specific examples or detailed points to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention particular benefits of living in the countryside, such as lower cost of living or specific types of healthy food that are more accessible.
advice
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your ideas are clearly connected.
advice
Consider addressing counterarguments or opposing viewpoints to strengthen your position. This will show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
positive
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and set the stage for your main arguments.
positive
The essay's main points are relevant and directly address the topic.
positive
You have a good understanding of the benefits of living in the countryside and how urbanization affects housing availability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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