IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that it is the governments responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #responsibility #transport #children #school #parents
There is
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
show examples
 debate that governing authorities should take charge
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children's
children
 commute from home to school where
as
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 there is a segment of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 that believes
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 the
mothers
Change noun form
mother's
mothers'
show examples
 and
fathers
Change noun form
fathers'
father's
show examples
 duty.
This
 essay will highlight both views and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 will be followed by my personal view. As we all know, education plays a key role in building mankind.
Submitted by dkaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences are directly related to that idea. This will improve coherence in your writing.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay responds to all parts of the question. In this case, you need to discuss both views in detail and also provide your opinion. Expand each viewpoint with supporting examples.
task achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas when discussing each viewpoint. Make sure your arguments are well-explained and supported with relevant examples or evidence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction does a good job of stating that the essay will discuss both views and provide a personal opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay topic is clearly identified, and it's evident what will be discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: