Some believe that violent computer games are just a form of entertainment, while others think they lead directly to violent behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some would argue that
computer
games
which include violence could count as a leisure activity, while
others
disagree by saying that they could develop a
harmful Correct article usage
apply
behaviour
. This
essay agrees that at a certain age, playing computer
games
which contain agressive
scenes might end up affecting the person's Correct your spelling
aggressive
behaviour
.
On one
hand, since the popularity of Correct article usage
the one
computer
games
has risen during the last
years
, a great Correct quantifier usage
few years
amount
of Change the quantifier
number
people
choose them as an option for having fun and getting relaxed. There are different kinds of online games
which include activities such
as dancing, singing, playing
sports among Correct word choice
and playing
others
. One of the most popular ones include
violence Verb problem
is
due to
the common settings which include wars, fights or even crimes. For example
"Call of Duty" is a well-known video game that a high amount of people
play including rough scenes of death and physical abuse. All these games
have the objective to provide
their usersChange preposition
of providing
a
relaxing time, Change preposition
with a
however
there is no guarantee that Add a comma
however,
this
will always happen.
On the other hand
, others
imply that computer
games
might produce in their users a violent behaviour
. When considering age and personality, certain people
might be much more sensitive towards some scenes. Therefore
, some who are at a young age such
as teenagers and are still being exposed to different experiences which would impact their mindset and development, are much more at risk of getting affected by these types of activities. For instance
, during the last
months in Sydney, Australia, we have witnessed three teenagers attacking people
with knifes
which let us know that we still have plenty of work to do for our society's (especially young Correct your spelling
knives
people
) mental health.
In conclusion, while
a group of people
agree that violent games
only represent a hobby or activity to relax and have fun, others
imply that there's much more to take into account including leading to rough behaviour
. Consequently
, I agree with the second group and reinforce the idea of taking care of people
's mind
that could impact their Fix the agreement mistake
minds
behaviour
, especially our young generation.Submitted by nila.hiperu on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure all paragraphs have a clear and distinct central idea related directly to the essay prompt. Try to develop each point with more specific and varied examples.
task achievement
Work on refining your use of complex sentence structures and varying sentence length to maintain the reader’s interest and enhance readability.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary, especially when conveying similar ideas, to avoid repetition.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction presents both perspectives clearly and states which view the essay will support.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion reiterates the main points and the writer’s stance effectively, fostering a strong sense of closure.
supported main points
The essay provides reasonable arguments and examples for both sides of the discussion, contributing to a balanced view.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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