IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Below are two charts showing the top 12 nations in military spending for 2005 and those countries' GDP growth for the same year.

#two #nations #countries #gdp #growth #year
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar charts illustrate 12 countries that had the highest military expenditures and their
GDP
 growth in 2005. By and large,
it is clear that
 the United States allocated by far the most money to
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
while
 China and other Asian countries dominated in
GDP
 growth. To be specific, the U.S. hold the highest position in military spending, at 400
billion
 dollars in 200, 5 times the amount of money China and Russia spent ($80
billion
 each). The
U.K
Correct your spelling
U.K.
, France and Japan occupied the third highest position ($50
billion
),
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
 ($40
billion
) and fifth ($35
billion
) respectively
while
 Germany’s military spending was only half that of France. India and Saudi Arabia both spent 10
billion
 dollars on their armed forces, marginally higher than South Korea ( around $8
billion
).
By contrast
, the figures for Italy and Australia were the lowest, at only 5
billion
 dollars. As regards
GDP
 growth in 2005, China took the lead at 9%, 2% more than Russia (7%). The figures for India and Saudi Arabia were roughly the same (around 6%). South Korea’s
GDP
 climb rate was 5%, just a fraction higher than that of the United States (4.8%).
This
 is followed by Australia (4%), the
U.K
Correct your spelling
UK
 (3.5%) and Japan (just over 3%). Meanwhile, European nations, namely France, Germany and Italy were at the bottom of the chart at only around 2%.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Accuracy
Ensure your data points are consistently accurate. There might be minor inaccuracies in reported figures (e.g., U.S. spending at "$400 billion in 200" instead of "$400 billion in 2005").
Detail
While you provide specific figures for military spending and GDP growth, consider further elaborating on any evident trends or patterns. This can strengthen your analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the data.
Content
The essay provides a comprehensive and clear response to the task by addressing both military spending and GDP growth rates.
Structure
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, with a clear introduction and segmented body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: