IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The natural resources such as oil, forests, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve this problem ?

#resources #oil #forests #water #rate
Our planet's finite
resources
 are being depleted at an unsustainable pace can challenge life
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and creatures and lead to environmental
problems
.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my view
can alleviate
Verb problem
,
show examples
this
 situation through
governments
 and individuals. The over-consumption of natural
resources
 poses a significant threat to fauna and plant life.
For instance
, the excessive use of fuels leads to the release of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 harmful to creatures and even
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to climate change and global
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
warming.
Furthermore
, deforestation causes soil erosion.
this
 means,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
without the canopy of trees to slow down rainfall, the force of the
water
 hitting the ground can cause more soil to be moved.
This
 can result in landslides, mudflows, and sedimentation in nearby waterways, which is detrimental to many life forms both terrestrial and aquatic. Excessive
water
 consumption
also
 leads to droughts. To address these
problems
, several steps could be taken by both
governments
 and individuals to solve these
problems
. On the government level, stringent policies must be made to limit the production of oil and logging industries that cut down trees without permission should be punished.
Governments
also
 can support experts
that which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could distil
water
 from the sea and transport the distilled
water
 to these nations where people are in need.
Additionally
, could replace fossil fuel with electricity solar, or wind power,
this
 way, can not only have cleaner air to breathe but
also
 a more stable economy in the future when oil supplies run dry. Individuals, by doing simple works
such
 as using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public transportation,
plant
Replace the word
planting
show examples
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
, less consumption of
water
 and care of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Can conserve these vital
resources
. In sum
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Although
 essential natural
resources
 like fossil fuels, woodland and clean
water
 are running dry and lead to a lot of
problems
 for our planet, in my opinion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
coordinating people and
governments
 by
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 consumption and
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 energies,
diminish
Correct subject-verb agreement
diminishes
show examples
this
 trend.
Submitted by ghorabibita on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Improvement
Work on linking sentences more smoothly to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases.
Improvement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments better and make them more convincing.
Improvement
Revise the structure of your sentences to make your ideas clearer and easier to follow. Avoid creating long, complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
Content
The essay covers both parts of the question thoroughly, discussing the problems caused by the depletion of natural resources and suggesting appropriate solutions.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
Content
You addressed both the government and individuals’ roles in solving the problem, which shows a comprehensive approach to the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!