IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the Advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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There is an opinion about the best way for high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates.
According to
Linking Words
 it, young
people
Use synonyms
 must travel or
work
Use synonyms
 before beginning the next education step. The advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 choice should be compared.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is important to
notice
Verb problem
note
show examples
 that the governments of some countries do not allow
this
Linking Words
 category of population to get any
work
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 without military service.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Russia
Add a comma
Russia,
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 graduates have to go to university or to
army
Correct article usage
the army
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 anyway (except
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 certain diseases).
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is hard to keep in mind all
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 during the brake you might take after
school
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. If
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
will want
Wrong verb form
wants
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 to start
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
his education
her education
show examples
 at the university after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long travel or
work
Use synonyms
, he probably will not pass the exams successfully.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entering to university immediately after graduation from
school
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 seems easier. Statistically, less than a third of
russian
Change the capitalization
Russian
show examples
people
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 do not enter any higher educational institution after
school
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.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 another side, it is quite necessary to get a new life experience before making an important decision about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. Travelling or
work
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 can give a great opportunity for it. I believe that exploring new countries helps to form your own
broad-mind
Correct your spelling
broad mind
show examples
 and has a positive influence on young
people
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’s mental health.
At
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In
show examples
 the same
way
Add a comma
way,
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 any official
work
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 can show the system of adult life and improve your soft and hard skills. Frequently, even
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small
work
Use synonyms
 experience makes young
people
Use synonyms
 more attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the next employers.
Summarize
Fix the infinitive
To summarize
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, there are a lot of positive aspects of travelling or
work
Use synonyms
 after high
school
Use synonyms
 graduation. It is hard to overestimate
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay generally covers the topic and presents both advantages and disadvantages of traveling or working before university. However, try to ensure that you support each point with specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transition words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' and 'Conversely' can help guide readers through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly introduces the topic and sets the stage for discussing both advantages and disadvantages. This helps to immediately engage the reader and establishes the context.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to present balanced viewpoints, discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of taking a gap year after high school.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • practical experience
  • maturity
  • academic momentum
  • cultural exposure
  • diverse cultures
  • workforce
  • competitive edge
  • real-world skills
  • continuity
  • entry-level jobs
  • financial concerns
  • broadened perspectives
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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