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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#illustrations #show #chocolate #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The illustrations show how
chocolate
 is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The process pictures illustrate the production of
chocolate
,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 with harvesting red pods from cacao bean trees and ending with
chocolate
 packaging. Manufacture contains 10 long-lasting steps to reach the shop shelves and being bought by people. When the harvest is ready to use, they are being cut, and white cocoa beans, which were in pods,
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 into a fermenter machine
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
then
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be dried . After those actions , cocoa seeds are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
put in large sacks and transported by train or lorry to special factories, which create the
chocolate
. The next half of sweets manufacturing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is beans preparation. They are being roasted in ovens with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 temperature range , approximately 350 degrees. Roasted beans need to be crushed and peeled out of outer shell.
Thereafter
,
product
Add an article
the product
show examples
 enters the final stage , in the production machine, which presses seeds in the inner part of a tool .
As a result
, we can get
a liquid
Remove the article
liquid chocolate
a bar of liquid chocolate
show examples
chocolate
. Even though, there are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
steps
further
, to
liquid
Add an article
the liquid
show examples
 being formed and transferred to shops around the region or city.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

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task achievement
Your essay covers all the main steps in the chocolate production process, and you have provided a logical sequence for them. However, you need to work on clarifying and elaborating on some points to make your ideas more comprehensive. Make sure to fully explain each step and its purpose.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to proofread your work for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance readability. For example, 'goes into a fermenter machine, and then needs to be dried' could be improved to 'are placed into a fermentation machine and then dried.'
coherence cohesion
While you provided a logical structure for the essay, you can improve your conclusion. Providing a concise summary that wraps up the entire process without adding new information is recommended.
task achievement
You successfully outlined the complete process of chocolate production from start to finish, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of the steps in the chocolate production process is well-maintained, which aids reader comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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