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Band 5.5

Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities
These days, some
people
 have argued that
sports
games
 are crucial for
society
. Since
sports
games
 can give
people
 passion, they can contribute to improving
society
.
However
, others believe
sports
games
 should be taken only as entertaining activities because they easily lead
people
 to become exclusive, not allowing others on different sides. And I agree with the latter statement. Some think
sports
games
 are one of the most important attributes of
society
 because they can encourage
people
 to keep challenging difficulties. Every athlete has been through obstacles, and their stories give some messages to mundane
people
 to keep doing it.
For example
, Yuna Kim, a famous figure skater in Korea, had been through harsh times to win a gold medal in the Olympics. Her story affects many
people
 and makes them work hard in their positions.
On the other hand
,
sports
games
 can be a source of conflict. Since most
sports
games
 compete with different teams or nations,
people
 supporting them easily get emotional and become exclusionary. Sometimes, the result of
sports
games
 goes beyond emotional irritation to physical conflict.
For example
, in Brazil, where soccer is the most
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 sport in the country,
people
 get emotionally violent when their soccer team loses in the
games
. In conclusion,
while
sports
games
 positively affect
society
 by encouraging
people
 with athletes' success stories,
sports
games
 should be considered only recreational activities because they can potentially make
people
 violent.
Submitted by marykoog7 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, consider using more varied transitional phrases and cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
Task Response
Strengthen the essay by providing more elaborate explanations and examples to support your main points. Explore both views in greater detail for a balanced discussion.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, setting the stage for the discussion and summarizing the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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