Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities

These days, some

people

have argued that

sports

games

are crucial for

society

. Since

sports

games

can give

people

passion, they can contribute to improving

society

However

, others believe

sports

games

should be taken only as entertaining activities because they easily lead

people

to become exclusive, not allowing others on different sides. And I agree with the latter statement. Some think

sports

games

are one of the most important attributes of

society

because they can encourage

people

to keep challenging difficulties. Every athlete has been through obstacles, and their stories give some messages to mundane

people

to keep doing it.

For example

, Yuna Kim, a famous figure skater in Korea, had been through harsh times to win a gold medal in the Olympics. Her story affects many

people

and makes them work hard in their positions.

On the other hand

sports

games

can be a source of conflict. Since most

sports

games

compete with different teams or nations,

people

supporting them easily get emotional and become exclusionary. Sometimes, the result of

sports

games

goes beyond emotional irritation to physical conflict.

For example

, in Brazil, where soccer is the most

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

sport in the country,

people

get emotionally violent when their soccer team loses in the

games

. In conclusion,

while

sports

games

positively affect

society

by encouraging

people

with athletes' success stories,

sports

games

should be considered only recreational activities because they can potentially make

people

violent.

Submitted by marykoog7 on Tue Aug 13 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, consider using more varied transitional phrases and cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.

Task Response

Strengthen the essay by providing more elaborate explanations and examples to support your main points. Explore both views in greater detail for a balanced discussion.

Task Response

The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, setting the stage for the discussion and summarizing the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

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Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.