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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities
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These days, some
people
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 have argued that
sports
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games
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 are crucial for
society
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. Since
sports
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games
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 can give
people
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 passion, they can contribute to improving
society
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.
However
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, others believe
sports
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games
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 should be taken only as entertaining activities because they easily lead
people
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 to become exclusive, not allowing others on different sides. And I agree with the latter statement. Some think
sports
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games
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 are one of the most important attributes of
society
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 because they can encourage
people
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 to keep challenging difficulties. Every athlete has been through obstacles, and their stories give some messages to mundane
people
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 to keep doing it.
For example
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, Yuna Kim, a famous figure skater in Korea, had been through harsh times to win a gold medal in the Olympics. Her story affects many
people
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 and makes them work hard in their positions.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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games
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 can be a source of conflict. Since most
sports
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games
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 compete with different teams or nations,
people
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 supporting them easily get emotional and become exclusionary. Sometimes, the result of
sports
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games
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 goes beyond emotional irritation to physical conflict.
For example
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, in Brazil, where soccer is the most
favorite
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favourite
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 sport in the country,
people
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 get emotionally violent when their soccer team loses in the
games
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. In conclusion,
while
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sports
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games
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 positively affect
society
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 by encouraging
people
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 with athletes' success stories,
sports
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games
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 should be considered only recreational activities because they can potentially make
people
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 violent.
Submitted by marykoog7 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, consider using more varied transitional phrases and cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
Task Response
Strengthen the essay by providing more elaborate explanations and examples to support your main points. Explore both views in greater detail for a balanced discussion.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, setting the stage for the discussion and summarizing the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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