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Band 5.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a bussinessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this bussinessman. In your letter • remind him when and where you met • tell him what kind of job you are interested in • say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #bussinessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job
Dear Sir, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I am writing to bring your attention towards the statement that you have mentioned a possible
job
 position at one of your establishments.
Firstly
, you may not remember me so I want to make it clear. We met on the plane during the flight from Uzbekistan to Italy,
as well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I sat next to you.
While
 we were talking, you suggested that I should contact you about
possible
Correct article usage
a possible
show examples
job
one
Change preposition
at one
show examples
 of your restaurants.
Secondly
, I want to tell you about a
job
 that I
interested
Add a missing verb
am interested
show examples
 in. I want to be a chef
your
Change preposition
at your
show examples
 restaurant in France because of having a knowledge of cooking skills.
Moreover
, I have finished the Oxnard Conditer University with
a perfect marks
Correct the article-noun agreement
perfect marks
a perfect mark
show examples
. I have done a lot of qualifications and courses,
hence
, I have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
10 years of experience as a chef and confectioner. I feel that I am the best
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 for
this
 position as I have a lot of experience in my previous role.
Furthermore
, you were not mistaken that you offered me a
job
. I look forward to hearing from you soon and
further
 discussions. Yours sincerely, Nilufar
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you clearly mention the specific job title you are interested in and provide more details about why you would be suitable for this role. It would add more depth to your letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your content by organizing your ideas better. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, creating a more cohesive piece.
Task Achievement
Polite and professional tone, suitable for a business letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and distinction between different parts of the letter, contributing to logical structure.
Greeting and Closing
Closing and greeting are well-executed, keeping the formality intact.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Hospitality industry, culinary arts, managerial skills, customer service, gastronomy, adept, team player, interpersonal skills, innovative, culinary expertise, food connoisseur, dynamic environment, business acumen, networking opportunity, mentorship, gourmet, epicurean, food enthusiast, resilience, career aspirations
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