The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant

#percentage #women #countries #summarise #information #e #features #comparisons

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The

given

Verb problem

apply

show examples

bar chart shows the proportion of female

students

Use synonyms

enrolling in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

higher education in five different countries

Change preposition

between

show examples

1970 and 2005. The unit given is percentages.

Overall

Linking Words

, female enrollments rose drastically over the mentioned year in all five countries, especially in the UK

while

Linking Words

Japan stood the lowest. Regarding female

students

Use synonyms

in 1970 , Canada accounted for 59%, marked the higher number among others. As in Germany, a close second with 50%.

In addition

Linking Words

, only a slight difference of 5% in those who were studying in the USA and the UK, 40% and 35%, respectively. The least was

japanese

Change the capitalization

Japanese

show examples

women with 20% candidates. Looking

Change preposition

show examples

2005, Canada remained the same with no changes

whereas

Linking Words

the Germany female

students

Use synonyms

have a

slightly

Change the adverb

slight

show examples

increase to 55%.

Moreover

Linking Words

, a rise of more than a fifth of British female

students

Use synonyms

enrolled at the university

opposed

Correct word choice

as opposed

show examples

to the American just below a fifth

Change preposition

of freshman

show examples

freshman

Fix the agreement mistake

freshmen

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Lastly

Linking Words

, Japan has a

doubled

Replace the word

double

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figure (40%),

however

Linking Words

, still the least among

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

five countries.

Submitted by tifjong on Tue Aug 13 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

166 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

employment rate
percentage
decade
increase/decrease
compare/contrast
significant
socio-economic factors
progressive
minimal changes
hypothesize
global developments
regional developments
influence
trend analysis
workforce participation
historical context
labor market
gender gap
employment policies
cultural norms

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