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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The previous bar graph illustrates the amount of females in 5
countries
Use synonyms
 (UK,
USA
Use synonyms
,
Canada
Use synonyms
, Japan and Germany) attending higher education in 2 specific
years
Use synonyms
 (1970 and 2005).
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest percentage was shown in the
year
Use synonyms
 2005 around the 5
countries
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 women from
Canada
Use synonyms
 got the same amount for both
years
Use synonyms
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 1970 the rest of the
countries
Use synonyms
 displayed a lower percentage
attending
Change preposition
of attending
show examples
 higher education. In detail, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2005, all women from the 5
countries
Use synonyms
 showed a clear growth
attending
Change preposition
in attending
show examples
 higher degree classes. UK and
Canada
Use synonyms
 showed around
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
60% followed by
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 with around 58% and Germany just below
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 with around 55%.
Although
Linking Words
 Japan showcased the lowest amount of women in the
year
Use synonyms
 2005 with approximately 40%, it still showed almost the double
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
number compared with the
year
Use synonyms
 1970. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1970, the percentages showed were clearly lower.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 got the same high number for both
years
Use synonyms
 (1970 and 2005) with around 60%,
while
Linking Words
 Germany,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 showed a much lower portion. In summary, there was a clear increase from the
year
Use synonyms
 1970 to the
year
Use synonyms
 2005 in the quantity of female population attending higher education, except for
Canada
Use synonyms
 which showed the same high percentage for both
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, usa, canada, years, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • decade
  • increase/decrease
  • compare/contrast
  • significant
  • socio-economic factors
  • progressive
  • minimal changes
  • hypothesize
  • global developments
  • regional developments
  • influence
  • trend analysis
  • workforce participation
  • historical context
  • labor market
  • gender gap
  • employment policies
  • cultural norms
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