IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The pictures show how a new underground platform and changes were made to the toronto go train station during and after construction.

#pictures #show #platform #changes #toronto #train #station #construction
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The three figures illustrate the construction process of
Toronto
Correct article usage
the Toronto
show examples
 Go
train
Use synonyms
 station.
Overall
Linking Words
, the origin station had gone through an expansion in order to create a new
level
Use synonyms
 for people who walk. In the past, the station was divided into three levels, which were utilized for tracking, transiting and a foundation. The
train
Use synonyms
 track was built above the ground and below
this
Linking Words
level
Use synonyms
 was a path for passengers to transit. There was a pillar constructed deep underground which was divided into two parts. The hidden part of the pillar was comparatively huge so as to bear the weight of the
train
Use synonyms
 track,
contrast
Change preposition
in contrast
show examples
 to the exposed one. During the construction, the specific track for
train
Use synonyms
 and walk remained the same
while
Linking Words
 the foundation had been converted into a new pedestrian retail
level
Use synonyms
. The
pillar
Change noun form
pillar's
show examples
 hidden part was
also
Linking Words
 revealed and narrowed down, parallel with its size on the transiting concourse.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the stage, the existing transit concourse was slightly raised, and another underground
level
Use synonyms
 was opened.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a general overview of the construction process but would benefit from more specific details about the changes made to each level. This would enhance clarity and completeness.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the sequence of events and structural changes are more clearly delineated to enhance logical flow. Including more specific details about each stage of the construction could help achieve this.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets up the description well.
logical structure
The essay generally follows a logical structure and includes all the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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