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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
#line #results #survey #people #city #country #summarise #information #features #comparions
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The line graph illustrates
summary
Add an article
a summary
the summary
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the survay
show examples
survay
Correct your spelling
survey
 that investigated
Correct article usage
the reasona
show examples
reasona
Correct your spelling
reasons
reason
 for moving to the capital city of a particular country between 2000 and 2015. Generally speaking, reasons
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 study, family/friends and adventure experienced
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend,
while
Linking Words
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people moving with the
reason
Use synonyms
 of employment fluctuated
throughout
Change preposition
over
show examples
 15 years. From the reasons that showed rise,
Use synonyms
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 adventure increased gradually.
Number
Correct article usage
The number
show examples
initially
Linking Words
 was at 10000 and reached 15000 in 2015, experiencing
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 increase.
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of people who moved because of their close people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10000 approximately, but rose a little more than adventure, standing at 22000 in 2015.
Use synonyms
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
show examples
 of study experienced a rapid surge, rising from 25000 to 87000
at the end
Linking Words
. The
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employment,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, had a sudden increase from 60000 to 85000 in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 5 years.
Then
Linking Words
 the rate slowed, showing less
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 in the next 5 years. In the
last
Linking Words
 third of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employment experienced
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend, declining from 92000 to 87000
at the end
Linking Words
.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reason with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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