Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are people
prefer
working in the same company Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
through
their whole life, by doing so they Change preposition
for
got
a stable payment and working environment. Wrong verb form
get
Whereas
others think is better to work in different organizations. Although
working in the same firm for a long time could have a steady income and comfortable working environment, I believe that switch
Replace the word
switching
job
properly could have Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
a
better Correct article usage
apply
job
development opportunities.
Some people enjoy being in the same company because it offer
stability and a sense of familiarity, which is an important factor for people who pursue a stable life. Take my sister as an example, she worked in the same organization since she graduated from university and it’s been around seven years now. She got Change the verb form
offers
a decent salaries
and is highly trusted by her boss.
Correct the article-noun agreement
a decent salary
decent salaries
However
, there are some prefer
changing Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
job
to seek new challenges and opportunities. Because they can encounter multiple working Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
environment
,
culture and knowledge, as to Change to a plural noun
environments
broden
their horizon and skill. Correct your spelling
broaden
Moreover
, switch
jobs may bring higher salaries or better positions to promote personal career development. A good example is my friend Fenny, Wrong verb form
switching
she
was Correct pronoun usage
who
initially
a junior employee then
switched Correct word choice
and then
job
a few times, now she is a senior executive at her company.
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
To conclude
, while
staying in the same organization could have a relatively stable life, changing jobs offer
new opportunities and challenges, helping to Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
expend
career horizon and improve skillsCorrect your spelling
expand
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coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, consider adding transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from breaking the third body paragraph into two separate paragraphs - one about new challenges and opportunities, and the other about broader horizons and improved skills.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your main points more effectively.
task achievement
Some sentences would benefit from better clarity and grammar. For example, "got a decent salaries" should be "got a decent salary".
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.