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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #school #children #instruments #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar chart illustrates the ratio of students who want to play
piano
, drums,
guitar
 and violin in 3 particular
years
.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that,
whereas
 youngsters increased their interest in
guitar
 and
piano
 over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
, violin
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 became less favourable. In 2005,
piano
 learning was the most popular among other instruments by more than 10%. It was closely followed by guitarists with slightly over
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
10%. By the end of the
half decade
Add a hyphen
half-decade
show examples
,
piano
 and
guitar
 had nearly doubled
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 popularity. In 5
years
,
while
guitar
 learners approximately 2-folded the attraction and overtook
piano
 by almost 40%,
piano
 increased just below
guitar
's level. In a decade, the percentage of violin learners decreased gradually. At the beginning, the figure was around 10% level, but it is almost halved.
Finally
, after
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 10
years
,
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
a ratio
show examples
 of drum learner
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 rose from approximately 5% to just under 10%.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, guitar, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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