IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You work at home and have a problem with a equipment that you use for your job Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment In your letter ●describe the problem with the equipment ●explain how this problem is affecting your work ●say what you want the shop or company to do

#work #home #equipment #job #shop #company #●describe #●explain #●say
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to complain about equipment that
bought
Add a missing verb
was bought
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 from your company as a fridge, virtually a week ago. It's model name GMR5 and I
was assure
Change the verb form
was assured
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 by the seller that the refrigerator
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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 perfect condition. Everything was fine but it suddenly stopped working. I noticed that the equipment was not working properly from the temperature. Since I didn't have enough money, I created a bakery from home. And naturally, I needed a refrigerator so that the products would not go bad and
last
 a long time.
As a result
 of it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not working well, many cakes became inedible,
not to mention
that
Correct word choice
apply
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my customer's complaints. After these events for a few days, I started having serious headaches and my productivity decreased substantially. I would be
gratefull
Correct your spelling
grateful
 if you could give me a full refund. And I would like to request that you cooperate with companies which have
a good qualifications
Correct the article-noun agreement
good qualifications
a good qualification
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. I deserve an apology and
an
Remove the article
apply
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appropriate compensation for the inconvenience caused to me. Yours faithfully Shodiyona
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Your letter addresses all the required points—description of the problem, the impact on your work, and a request for a solution. However, you can improve by including more details about the exact malfunction of the fridge.
coherence cohesion
Although the letter is fairly well-organized, the transitions between paragraphs can be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Lastly' can improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted the impact of the malfunctioning equipment on your work, which adds strength to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriately formal, which suits the context of a complaint letter.
coherence cohesion
You have kept each main idea in its own paragraph, which makes the letter easy to follow.
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