During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to the businessman. In your letter ●remind him when and where you met ●tell him what kind of job you are interested in ●say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job #●remind #●tell #●say

Dear Jack, I am writing to you about a possible

job

that you suggested to me a week ago. On my way to the mountains to see my uncle, I noticed that your car had broken.

While

I was giving my hand to you, you said that you lost your way and that you could

also

take me to my destination. And along the way, I found out that you

awn

Correct your spelling

own

show examples

many restaurants. I had a hard time finding a

job

because I studied in another country and my place of residence

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

far from the city. I studied in the direction of management and I

interested

Add a missing verb

am interested

show examples

this

field.

In addition

, I worked as a waiter and cook

due to

had

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

qualification

Fix the agreement mistake

qualifications

show examples

almost a year ago.

And

Correct word choice

This

show examples

this

time, I have all

knowledge

Correct article usage

the knowledge

show examples

this

field

such

as service, advertising and others. I would say about reasons why you choose to me for

this

job

that's to say manager. I think that I am suitable for

this

job

I can get along well with the workers and manage them and

also

, because of my discipline. Yours sincerely

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Wed Aug 14 2024

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coherence cohesion

The letter should be more focused and provide clear, concise information. For example, some parts of the letter contain unnecessary details about the car breaking down, which may confuse the reader.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like 'giving my hand to you' and 'awn many restaurants' can be corrected for better clarity.

task achievement

It's important to elaborate more on why you believe you are suitable for the job. Adding specific examples or experiences that showcase your skills could strengthen your application.

suitable writing tone

The letter is polite and maintains a formal tone, which is suitable for a job application.

greeting and closing

Ending with 'Yours sincerely' is appropriate and adds a respectful touch to the closing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

189 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?