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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to the businessman. In your letter ●remind him when and where you met ●tell him what kind of job you are interested in ●say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job #●remind #●tell #●say
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Dear Jack, I am writing to you about a possible
job
Use synonyms
 that you suggested to me a week ago. On my way to the mountains to see my uncle, I noticed that your car had broken.
While
Linking Words
 I was giving my hand to you, you said that you lost your way and that you could
also
Linking Words
 take me to my destination. And along the way, I found out that you
awn
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 many restaurants. I had a hard time finding a
job
Use synonyms
 because I studied in another country and my place of residence
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 far from the city. I studied in the direction of management and I
interested
Add a missing verb
am interested
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 field.
In addition
Linking Words
, I worked as a waiter and cook
due to
Linking Words
 had
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 almost a year ago.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time, I have all
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 field
such
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 as service, advertising and others. I would say about reasons why you choose to me for
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 that's to say manager. I think that I am suitable for
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 I can get along well with the workers and manage them and
also
Linking Words
, because of my discipline. Yours sincerely
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter should be more focused and provide clear, concise information. For example, some parts of the letter contain unnecessary details about the car breaking down, which may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like 'giving my hand to you' and 'awn many restaurants' can be corrected for better clarity.
task achievement
It's important to elaborate more on why you believe you are suitable for the job. Adding specific examples or experiences that showcase your skills could strengthen your application.
suitable writing tone
The letter is polite and maintains a formal tone, which is suitable for a job application.
greeting and closing
Ending with 'Yours sincerely' is appropriate and adds a respectful touch to the closing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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