IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam’’ #measures #government #people #cars
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In recent years, the sum of vehicles has increased dramatically, which is why most city areas around the world have huge
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams. Personally, I totally believe that it is actually true in our society, and states have to quickly solve
this
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 big
problem
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.
To begin
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 with, it is true that increased
car
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 ownership leads to
traffic
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 congestion, which has numerous negative impacts including increased air pollution, longer commute times, and greater stress for commuters.
Although
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people
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 have the freedom to purchase as many
cars
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 as they need, urban areas,
in particular
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, face severe
traffic
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 problems
due to
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 the high density of vehicles, exacerbated by limited infrastructure that's unable to cope with the surge in
car
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 usage.
For example
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, in Kazakhstan, a number of cities do not have normal-sized roads that are narrow and
people
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 continue to buy
cars
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 even though they are aware of
this
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problem
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.
Thus
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, in my opinion, it is a huge issue for society and the state.
On the other hand
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, there are several steps that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could take to solve the
problem
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 of
people
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 who tend to acquire many
cars
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 and use them.
Firstly
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, government measures to mitigate
this
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 issue could include upgrading public
transport
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 services
,
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apply
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 and promoting alternative methods of
transport
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such
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 as cycling or walking.
Secondly
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, policies
such
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 as higher fuel taxes and limited parking availability in city centres can
also
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 discourage
car
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 use. If individuals have more than one
transport
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, they will pay taxes for them, and it sounds good.
Nevertheless
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, governments
also
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 can solve
this
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problem
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 by investing some amount of money in order to manufacture new adequate roads for
cars
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other vehicles. In conclusion,
although
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 there are plenty of big
traffic
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 jams in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas around the world
due to
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 the increased number of
car
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ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
show examples
,
people
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 are able to discourage
this
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problem
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 by improving the public
transport
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 systems, building new roads and setting taxes for new
cars
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.
Accordingly
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, I think that it is possible to do it.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear stance on the issue. However, adding more specific examples and data to support your points could strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally very clear, there are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly hinder readability. Consider revising and proofreading to improve the quality of your language.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, which provides a clear frame for your essay. However, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next to enhance overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, but some sentences could be more concise to improve readability. Try to avoid overly complex sentence constructions.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant details, which aids in illustrating your perspective.
logical structure
The overall logical structure of your essay is sound, with each paragraph contributing to the central argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • commute times
  • urban areas
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • congestion charges
  • alternative modes of transport
  • cycling
  • walking
  • fuel taxes
  • carpooling
  • electric vehicles
  • traffic jams
  • mitigate
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