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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You have seen an advertisement in an Australia magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter -explain why you would like the job Give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ Say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australia #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #-explain #job #person #time
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to apply for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 position of
live in
Add a hyphen
live-in
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 nanny you posted in Jobs-Jobs magazine. My name is Waris Saroye. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 living in Australia
from
Change preposition
for
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 2 years.
Moreover
, I love kids. I like to play with them
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
teach new activities. I enjoy utilising time with
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
. Why I am
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 person for
this
 posting?
Firstly
, I have experience
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 daycare.
Secondly
, I am a student of early childhood education
hence
, I know how to handle children in every situation.
Apart from
this
, I am
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 experienced cook so I can prepare delicious meals for your child.
Apart from
this
, whenever I will be vacant. I will watch good
education
Replace the word
educational
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movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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 and
would
Verb problem
apply
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read good
story books
Correct your spelling
storybooks
show examples
 so that I can learn more about kids and how to take care more. Hopefully, you will consider my application. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Waris Saroye
Submitted by kb781920 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on specific experiences and skills related to childcare, perhaps with examples, to enrich your task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use linking words to improve the logical flow between sentences.
greeting and closing
The letter has a clear and respectful greeting and closing, which enhances the tone.
task achievement
The writing uses a polite and suitable tone for a formal application, which is appreciated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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