Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your option.
It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
communication
has demolished
Add a missing verb
been demolished
within
family and Change preposition
between
friends
due to
TV
. I disagree with this
point because I believe that this
technology brought family more close
and Replace the word
closer
also
increase
discussions with Wrong verb form
increased
in
family members. I will explain my point of view in the following paragraphs.
Sports events on Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
TV
such
as live cricket match
and Fix the agreement mistake
matches
Correct article usage
the olympics
olympics
bring family and Change the capitalization
Olympics
friends
more
close . Correct quantifier usage
apply
In other words
, Everyone is busy in
their Change preposition
with
buzy
lifestyle and burnout at some point . Whenever there is a live sports event Correct your spelling
busy
then
most likely family members book a day in advance in order to watch that event together . For example
, in Canada , most of
men and women took a day off from work in order to watch Change preposition
apply
final
match of Add an article
the final
World
Cup 2024 together. Correct article usage
the World
People
enjoy companionship while
watching shows and like to talk about it afterwords
to analyse how was the show. Correct your spelling
afterwards
Thus
, I beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
people
become more close
and Replace the words
closer
communication
Add a missing verb
has increase
increase
Replace the word
increased
due to
this
technology.
Another reason is that discussion
happen Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
while
watching TV
shows . I believe that men and women love to discuss about
Remove the preposition
apply
the
things on the phone or whenever they meet . Correct article usage
apply
TV
engages all family members to discuss something even they
are living far away from each other . Correct word choice
if they
For example
, In
Change preposition
During
period
of Covid-19 , Add an article
the period
a period
people
most
likely to talk on phones and spend lots of time watching Add a missing verb
are most
TV
. People
get to know update
on news about what happening all around the world, Fix the agreement mistake
updates
thus
, discuss on phones at the end
. I believe that it would be insignificant to say that this
source destroy
the Change the verb form
destroys
communication
but instead
it Add a comma
instead,
provide
a lot of information to discuss among Change the verb form
provides
friends
and family.
In conclusion , some argued
that Wrong verb form
argue
communication
has destroyed
among family and Add a missing verb
been destroyed
friends
due to
TV
but I believe that because of this
source
everyone become Add a comma
source,
more close
towards each other and Replace the words
closer
get
Change the verb form
gets
lot
of information to discuss even Change the article
a lot
all
men and women live far away.Correct word choice
though all
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents your stance, which is good. However, it would be beneficial to further elaborate on how TV has specifically brought families closer. Adding more detailed examples and extending your explanations can make your task response stronger.
task achievement
More elaboration and variety in sentence structures in your body paragraphs can improve the clarity and comprehension of your ideas. Avoid repetition and try to expand on the points made with additional detail or a broader perspective.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay is generally well-organized, but the logical structure could be improved. Make sure your ideas flow smoothly from one point to the next. Use more transitional phrases and connectors to help with the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally supported, but adding even more specific examples and details would make your argument stronger and more convincing. Try to incorporate varied examples from different contexts to substantiate your points further.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating your main point and summarizing your argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
You've included relevant examples, such as the sports events and COVID-19 scenarios, to support your points, which helps illustrate your arguments.
complete response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides a structured response, which is commendable.
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