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Band 3.5

Some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #reward #students #show #results #improvements
It is debated that some individuals think that institutions have to give incentives for those who are the top
students
 or the ones who are showing
a
Remove the article
apply
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good progress in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of education. I believe that both are
significance
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significant
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 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to
craete
Correct your spelling
create
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 academic environment.
To begin
 with, rewarding the best academic
students
 can help
motivates
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. When a person is being appreciated, they will continue to become the best for themselves.
For example
,
students
 with a straight A result will keep themselves on maintaining high academic standards.
In addition
,
such
 actions
also
 help other
students
 to strive for
excellence
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excellent
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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.
As a result
, others will
also
 be motivated to study hard, aiming towards a better outcome.
On the other hand
, recognizing
students
 who demonstrate significant improvement can boost their self-esteem.
For instance
, when a slow learner has been rewarded owing to their performance, their efforts will be recognized by others, and
this
 helps them to feel
confidence
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confident
show examples
 about themselves.
Consequently
,
this
 encourages them to move forward despite
of
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apply
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small changes in
such
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 world. In conclusion, I believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
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balancing the two approaches can create an inclusive environment where both top
students
 and progress are celebrated. It is important because it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to motivate and increase one's confidence.
Submitted by tifjong on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives on rewarding students, it would benefit from a more elaborate development of ideas. Extend the explanation and examples for both views to ensure they are fully developed and explored.
coherence cohesion
Work on making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing by proofreading your essay. This will help improve the clarity and readability of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a cohesive structure.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both perspectives on the topic, showing a balanced consideration of both sides.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
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