Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind , such as reading and doing word puzzles . Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time . Dicuss two views and give your opinion .
In the modern world, there are some pupils who consider that a variety of
activity
spend in their free time Fix the agreement mistake
activities
such
as listening to music, watching films and so on. While
some people
claim that sleeping is much more comfortable than activities. from my perspective, I believe that both views are necessary moments in their lifestyle. This
essay will demonstrate and provide examples to illustrate.
On on one hand, in this
generation, people
are working more hours, which might Change the verb form
result
results
depression and anxiety, so that Add the preposition
results in
results from
the
spare time is vital for recharging their energy. An illustration is given by the famous singer Britney Spears, who is a superstar singer in America being put under pressure of 15 hours of work. As a matter of fact, sleeping or being entirely relaxed helps humans to reduce all negative feelings Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct your spelling
that
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
of
a stressful environment.
Change preposition
from
On the other hand
, some brain
exercises are proven to have the
positive impact on the quality of life, Correct article usage
a
for instance
, mental activities such
as doing puzzles or reading not only help us to become smart but also
activate our brain
to work better, which could prevent people
from brain
disorders or Alzheimer's disease, etc. Therefore
, it is beneficial to train the cerebrum to improve people
physical and mental health
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to Change noun form
people's
this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that we should give our brain
and
extreme rest when we are tired to prevent Correct word choice
apply
brain
mental issues.Submitted by yara_sharfo on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure to clearly address all parts of the question in the essay. This includes both discussing the two views and giving a clear opinion.
task achievement
Work on using more specific examples to support your main points. The example given about Britney Spears could be explained in a bit more detail to make it more relevant to the argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and smoothly transitions to the next point. This helps in maintaining a coherent argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly outline the structure of the essay, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed while restating the thesis.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirements to some extent.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas are presented clearly, making the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitions and linking phrases within paragraphs to maintain flow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!