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Band 5.5

**Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**

#**some #people #work #organization #life #organizations
There are people who prefer working in the same company throughout their whole life, and by doing so, they get a stable payment and working environment.
Whereas
 others think it is better to work in different organizations.
Although
 working in the same firm for a long time could have a steady income and
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 working environment, I believe that switching
jobs
 properly could have better job development opportunities. Some people enjoy being in the same company because it offers stability and a sense of familiarity, which is an important factor for people who pursue a stable life. Take my sister as an example; she worked in the same organization since she graduated from university, and it’s been around seven years now. She got a decent salary and is highly trusted by her boss.
However
, there are some who prefer changing
jobs
 to seek new challenges and opportunities because they can encounter multiple working environments, cultures, and knowledge, and it helps to broaden their horizon and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Moreover
, switching
jobs
 may bring higher salaries or better positions to promote personal career development. A good example is my friend Emily, who was
initially
 a junior employee
then
 switched
jobs
 a few times, and now she is a senior executive at the same company.
To conclude
,
while
 staying in the same organization could have a relatively stable life, changing
jobs
 offers new opportunities and challenges, helping to expand career horizons and improve skills.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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task achievement
Your essay comfortably addresses both views and gives your own opinion, which is a strong aspect of the task response. However, try to elaborate a bit more on the different benefits of switching jobs for career development. Adding more detailed examples can make your ideas even clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure better transitions between paragraphs to fully connect your ideas. This will improve the logical flow, making your argument more compelling. Also, consider explaining the cons of each position to provide a broader perspective.
task achievement
You provided clear and relevant examples to support your main ideas, which is excellent for illustrating your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main perspectives and offer a clear standpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job stability
  • career progression
  • corporate ladder
  • financial security
  • sense of loyalty
  • job satisfaction
  • work culture
  • broaden skill set
  • networking opportunities
  • career stagnation
  • adaptability
  • challenges
  • professional growth
  • long-term employees
  • diverse experiences
  • sense of belonging
  • opportunities for advancement
  • organization loyalty
  • commitment
  • professional network
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