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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.

#price #petrol #traffic #pollution
Nowadays,day after day we may notice a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 growth in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fuel
prices
 that
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
anger car drivers
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
However
,we should know that
due
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gases,petrol and other oils there
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
,and someones’ belief is that higher cost is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 solution for world consumption.I disagree with
this
 view and I am going to say my belief.
Firstly
,it is well known that
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
fuel
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 one of the most common
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 for adults,and
according to
 our problem
also
 one of the most expensive.What I mean here is that adults who have a car
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
especially
petrol-intensive
Correct article usage
a petrol-intensive
show examples
 car have to spend about 6-7
dollars
 daily,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
mean
Verb problem
apply
show examples
49
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 weakly and 210
dollars
 monthly,and I only talk about average
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 in my country,where we have one of the cheapest
prices
 for gases and oil.So it is scary to imagine
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other countries.
On the other hand
,it
also
 can be argued that
this
 idea to greatly grow
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of fuels is meaningless.
That is
 to say that people would not stop to pay for gas tank refilling,and would buy less
fuel
 than before,only
mere
Correct article usage
a mere
show examples
 percentage of people,
that is
 very senselessly.Take
for example
 the rate of oil
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 in
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
 years and 2010s years in
Russian
Correct your spelling
Russia
show examples
,where in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 period
prices
 were 3
dollars
 and in
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 were 5
dollars
,so there we did not
noticed
Change the verb form
notice
show examples
 differences. In conclusion,taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that it is meaningless to increase
fuel
prices
,especially in countries with low economics,it can help for environmental protection only merely.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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structure
Avoid long, convoluted sentences to enhance readability. Clearer, shorter sentences can enhance comprehension.
content
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and avoid repetition. This will improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
content
Include more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. This can enhance the relevance and specificity of your examples.
grammar
Work on grammar and syntax to avoid errors such as improper use of articles, conjunctions, and prepositions. Clear and accurate language use enhances clarity.
structure
Provide a clearer introduction that directly addresses the task and summarises your main points. This will improve the cohesion and effectiveness of the introduction.
task
You have included relevant points that address the task prompt, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
structure
The essay demonstrates an attempt to structure arguments in paragraphs, which is essential for coherence.
content
Your personal voice and opinion come through, which makes the essay engaging to read.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • discourage
  • incentivize
  • environmentally friendly
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • pollutants
  • alternative energy sources
  • sustainable economy
  • disproportionately affect
  • daily commuting
  • infrastructure
  • urban planning
  • comprehensive solutions
  • public transportation systems
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