The graph below shows the average retirement age of males and females in six countries in 2003.

The supplied table compares the annual age when representatives of both genders retire in six different countries, namely Australia, the UK, Japan, Italy, France and Korea in 2003.

Overall

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, it can be clearly seen that there is little difference in the retirement threshold between males and females. It is obvious that

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the eligibility age for males is noticeably higher in comparison with women. With regards to Australia and the USA, Australian and American male citizens retired approximately at the same age with one and a half difference in ages.

Moreover

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, in Japan, the male average retirement year comprised 67,4 years,

while

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for females it was 66,9.

Besides

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, males and females in France retired in 57,4 and 56,9 respectively. Looking at the table in more detail, the average retirement of Italian men was 58,2,

while

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this

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statistic was less by 9 months for women. In the Asian country, namely Korea pensionable ages for both genders comprised 68,8 and 67,2 respectively.

makemoneyizzy16Thu Aug 15 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

159 words

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The graph below shows the average retirement age of males and females in six countries in 2003.

Companies invest millions of dollars in advertising to persuade consumers to buy their products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages for the consumer? Next

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a ualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.