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Band 2

Describe a career that requires a lot of hard work, but is rewarding in the end. What is the job, and why is it rewarding despite the challenges? Give specific details to support your answer.

#career #work #job #challenges #support
There are many careers which require a lot of hard work but
at
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in
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 the end it is rewarding.
However
, From my
perspective
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perspective,
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 Computer Science is
the
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a
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 field of study which requires
alot
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a lot
 of
hardwork
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hard work
 but
at
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in
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 the
end
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end,
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 you will get the reward.
Firstly
, Computer Science is the field of creative mindset and
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 approach.Let me share my personal example, I am
also
the
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a
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 Computer Scientist, During my studies to be honest, I really
work
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worked
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 very hard in order to get good marks and
also
 in
oder
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order
 to build my skills that
fullfil
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fulfil
 the
industry
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industry's
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 demands.
At
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In
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 the end, even before my
graduation
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graduation,
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 I got
the
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a
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 remote job offer from
very
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a very
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 good multinational organization. In conclusion,Technology has the potential to make the career successful and by
persuing
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pursuing
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this
 field we can easily achieve our goals and financial freedom.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and combine sentences for better flow and cohesion. For example, merge the first two sentences to make the introduction more concise: 'Among many demanding careers, Computer Science stands out as particularly challenging, yet ultimately rewarding.'
task achievement
Elaborate a bit more on why Computer Science is particularly challenging. You could mention specific difficulties, such as learning complex algorithms or keeping up with rapidly evolving technologies.
task achievement
You shared a personal experience which makes your essay more relatable and engaging.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear final statement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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