IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Describe a career that requires a lot of hard work, but is rewarding in the end. What is the job, and why is it rewarding despite the challenges? Give specific details to support your answer.

#career #work #job #challenges #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are many careers which require a lot of hard work but
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end it is rewarding.
However
, From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 Computer Science is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 field of study which requires
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 but
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 you will get the reward.
Firstly
, Computer Science is the field of creative mindset and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 approach.Let me share my personal example, I am
also
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 Computer Scientist, During my studies to be honest, I really
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 very hard in order to get good marks and
also
 in
oder
Correct your spelling
order
 to build my skills that
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the
industry
Change noun form
industry's
show examples
 demands.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, even before my
graduation
Add a comma
graduation,
show examples
 I got
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 remote job offer from
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 good multinational organization. In conclusion,Technology has the potential to make the career successful and by
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
this
 field we can easily achieve our goals and financial freedom.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and combine sentences for better flow and cohesion. For example, merge the first two sentences to make the introduction more concise: 'Among many demanding careers, Computer Science stands out as particularly challenging, yet ultimately rewarding.'
task achievement
Elaborate a bit more on why Computer Science is particularly challenging. You could mention specific difficulties, such as learning complex algorithms or keeping up with rapidly evolving technologies.
task achievement
You shared a personal experience which makes your essay more relatable and engaging.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear final statement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: