Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, While others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion
These days, more and more females are interested in playing a role in the military force. It is often said that
women
should play an equal role as men
in a country's army, whereas
others feel that women
are not perfect for military forces
. In this
essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and provide my overall
opinion.
Military forces
or police forces
are important for every nation to ensure national security and also
local security. Nowadays, women
are improving in every sector day by day. Some people suggest that women
need to play the same role as men
in forces
the main reason behind this
statement is to ensure female rights because there is a chance of abuse by male officers by female criminals. A good illustration of this
is that in 1990 an Indian army officer raped a Bangladeshi girl, who was involved with the drug business.
On the other hand
, some people express that women
are not convenient for military forces
. Perhaps the main reason why people are in favour of not joining women
in forces
is because women
are not as strong as men
. A
Correct the article-noun agreement
Men
A man
men
can easily handle 60-70 kg pressure but a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
women
can’t and also
men
have the capability to adopt lots of pain, however
, women
can’t handle torture. A good example of this
is a man who survived 30 days of torture in Pakistan in 2003.
In conclusion, it must be said that women
’s joining forces
has become a complex issue for me. My personal view is that women
need to join, who are more capable and more
fit to ensure female safety.Correct quantifier usage
apply
Submitted by belmontsy01 on
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task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific and detailed examples. This will help better support your main points and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to another.
task achievement
Clarify some of the arguments presented. For instance, the reasons why women might not be suitable for military roles need more elaborate explanation and examples.
overall
Make sure to consistently use correct grammar and punctuation to enhance readability and comprehension of your essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the essay well.
task achievement
The essay shows an attempt to use examples and evidence to support arguments, which is important for building a strong essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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