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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
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The
graph
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Correct your spelling
displays
displayes
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displays
 the percentage of
exports
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in
Change preposition
from
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Change the capitalization
Australia
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australia
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Australia
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 to Japan,
US
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the US
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,
China
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 and
Change the capitalization
India
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india
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India
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 in the
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period
person
perion
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period
 from 1990 to 2012
Number
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A number
The number
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 of
exports
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 to
China
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ammounted
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amounted
 to around 2.5% in 1990 which was the second least indicator in the line
graph
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. In ten years , deliveries to
China
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twiced
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twice
 and
then
Linking Words
 increased to approximately 13% in 2005. It
then
Linking Words
 precipitously skyrocketed to 27 % in another 5 years , reaching the peak of the whole
graph
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 of 30% in 2012.Turning to India,
commosities
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commodities
communities
send
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sent
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 there accounted for just a
percent
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per cent
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 which is the lowest point
ih
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in
 the
graph
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. In 2005 deliveries to
China
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 rose mildly to 5 % and
then
Linking Words
hits
Wrong verb form
hit
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 its peak in 2010 of 7% before falling to 6% by 2012 Turning to
exports
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 which had dropped in percentage. Japan
exports
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 made up around 27% which was the ultimate highest in 1990 , but
then
Linking Words
 its figure
declines
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declined
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 to 20 after 5 years and
keeps
Wrong verb form
kept
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 steadily falling to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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18%
in
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at
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 the end of
period
Add an article
the period
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.
Exports
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 to
USA
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the USA
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 ,
accounted
Correct pronoun usage
which accounted
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 for 12% dropped and gained 3% in 200 and
then
Linking Words
 dramatically fell to 11% in 20

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, exports, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Line graph
  • Percentage
  • Exports
  • Trend analysis
  • Upward/downward trend
  • Fluctuation
  • Comparison
  • Peak performance
  • Decline
  • Stability
  • Significant
  • Inferred
  • Global events
  • Economic context
  • Reflect
  • Influence
  • Patterns
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