some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In
this
contemporary epoch, a large proportion of individuals believe that technical gudgets
have made humans more extrovert Correct your spelling
gadgets
budgets
while
critics say that it has drifted them away from society. In my opinion, technology
has provided a better platform to
youngsters to interact with Change preposition
for
relentless
number of figures across the globe. Change the article
a relentless
the relentless
This
essay will delve into both the
viewpoints and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, the most prominent advantage of digital devices
is that these
have made Correct pronoun usage
they
possible
to communicate and discover business opportunities Correct pronoun usage
it possible
around
all over the Change preposition
apply
nations
. Development in technical Fix the agreement mistake
nation
devices
have
made it easier Correct subject-verb agreement
has
get
anything from anywhere in the world, Fix the infinitive
to get
however
, this
was considered a daunting task in yesteryears. Thus
, it is apparent to say that technology
has made individuals more social.
On the flip side, as mobile phones, laptops, Correct word choice
and playstations
playstations
have become ubiquitous, these made barriers Correct your spelling
PlayStations
in
between Change preposition
apply
the
people because humans are busy Correct article usage
apply
in
using these Change preposition
apply
devices
instead
of joining any group chats. Hence
, techological
development has Correct your spelling
technological
lead
to poor repercussions Wrong verb form
led
such
as barrier
in families because most folks have adopted a sedentary lifestyle Fix the agreement mistake
barriers
due to
techical
Correct your spelling
technical
devices
.
In my opinion, technology
has encouraged to make bodies more social by providing them a
bigger platform for everything including, relationships, business, health amenities, Add the preposition
with a
or
travel. Correct word choice
and
Moreover
, the artifical
intelligence system has made Correct your spelling
artificial
the
most jobs easier. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, automated cleaning equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
such
as vaccumes
and washing machines based on A.I. These have Correct your spelling
vacuums
vaccines
assited
people Correct your spelling
assisted
too
spend more time with others.
Correct your spelling
to
To conclude
, as per the testimonials mentioned above it is crystal clear that advancement in technology
have
some pernicious effects but Change the verb form
has
it's
numerous benefits should not be overlooked.Correct your spelling
its
Submitted by ss6802125 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and engages well with both sides of the argument. However, there are some areas for improvement:
- Address minor grammatical and lexical errors to enhance clarity and precision.
- Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas for better coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and addresses the task effectively, but here are a few suggestions for improvement:
- Strengthen your main points with more evidence or examples.
- Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more transitional phrases.
- Avoid repetition and redundancy to make your writing more concise.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a fairly comprehensive response to the task and presents both sides of the argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear and easy to follow, contributing positively to the reader's understanding.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.