IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. ▪️Introduce yourself ▪️Describe the training course and how it would benefit your work ▪️Explain why you need financial assist ance.

#course #support #education #department #assistance #▪️introduce #▪️describe #work #▪️explain #ance
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing regarding
a
Remove the article
apply
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financial help for a
1 year
Add a hyphen
1-year
show examples
 training
course
 which would help me in my future career. My name is Rajdeep Kaur and I have recently completed my
bechelors
Correct your spelling
bachelors
bachelor's
 in Pharmaceutical science. I am a hardworking and dedicated student who
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to pursue
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher studies in the
renowed
Correct your spelling
renowned
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of London. As I mentioned, I am a pharmacy
graduated
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graduate
show examples
, I want to join the post-graduate
course
 known as DPharma at London University. The ambition for
this
course
 is to gain more useful knowledge about my field of study and get a desired job in future.
This
course
 contains several aspects that would assist me in my upcoming career which involves professional hands-on training and a number of interpersonal skills.
Healthcare
Correct article usage
The healthcare
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 industry always seeking
for
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apply
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great
customers
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customer
show examples
 skills
along with
 accurate knowledge which I believe
this
course
 offers me.
Moreover
, I need
this
 financial help because I am
woking
Correct your spelling
working
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 as a part-time assistant
which
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 savings are not enough
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 abroad. My parents can help me partially but I
also
aquire
Correct your spelling
require
assist
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assistance
show examples
 for my accommodation and miscellaneous expenses. I would really appreciate I could get some
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 on
this
 matter and thank you for giving me
this
oppertunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to apply for
this
 help. yours faithfully, Rajdeep Kaur
Submitted by rajdeepdosanjh55 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you use paragraphs to break up different sections of your content, making it easier to follow.
task achievement
Although you have responded to the task, providing more specific details about the course content and how it directly relates to your career could enhance your response.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors to improve clarity. For example, 'oppertunity' should be 'opportunity', and 'assitance' should be 'assistance'.
task achievement
You have maintained a suitable writing tone throughout the letter, which makes your request sound genuine and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, adding to the professionalism of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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