You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. ▪️Introduce yourself ▪️Describe the training course and how it would benefit your work ▪️Explain why you need financial assist ance.

#course #support #education #department #assistance #▪️introduce #▪️describe #work #▪️explain #ance

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing regarding

Remove the article

apply

show examples

financial help for a

1 year

Add a hyphen

1-year

show examples

training

course

which would help me in my future career. My name is Rajdeep Kaur and I have recently completed my

bechelors

Correct your spelling

bachelors

bachelor's

in Pharmaceutical science. I am a hardworking and dedicated student who

want

Correct subject-verb agreement

wants

show examples

to pursue

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

higher studies in the

renowed

Correct your spelling

renowned

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

of London. As I mentioned, I am a pharmacy

graduated

Replace the word

graduate

show examples

, I want to join the post-graduate

course

known as DPharma at London University. The ambition for

this

course

is to gain more useful knowledge about my field of study and get a desired job in future.

This

course

contains several aspects that would assist me in my upcoming career which involves professional hands-on training and a number of interpersonal skills.

Healthcare

Correct article usage

The healthcare

show examples

industry always seeking

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

great

customers

Change the noun form

customer

show examples

skills

along with

accurate knowledge which I believe

this

course

offers me.

Moreover

, I need

this

financial help because I am

woking

Correct your spelling

working

show examples

as a part-time assistant

which

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

savings are not enough

for studying

Change preposition

to study

show examples

abroad. My parents can help me partially but I

also

aquire

Correct your spelling

require

assist

Replace the word

assistance

show examples

for my accommodation and miscellaneous expenses. I would really appreciate I could get some

assitance

Correct your spelling

assistance

this

matter and thank you for giving me

this

oppertunity

Correct your spelling

opportunity

to apply for

this

help. yours faithfully, Rajdeep Kaur

Submitted by rajdeepdosanjh55 on Fri Aug 16 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that you use paragraphs to break up different sections of your content, making it easier to follow.

task achievement

Although you have responded to the task, providing more specific details about the course content and how it directly relates to your career could enhance your response.

task achievement

Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors to improve clarity. For example, 'oppertunity' should be 'opportunity', and 'assitance' should be 'assistance'.

task achievement

You have maintained a suitable writing tone throughout the letter, which makes your request sound genuine and professional.

coherence cohesion

Your greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, adding to the professionalism of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

215 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder.Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+