IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. ▪️Introduce yourself ▪️Describe the training course and how it would benefit your work ▪️Explain why you need financial assist ance.

#course #support #education #department #assistance #▪️introduce #▪️describe #work #▪️explain #ance
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing regarding
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial help for a
1 year
Add a hyphen
1-year
show examples
 training
course
Use synonyms
 which would help me in my future career. My name is Rajdeep Kaur and I have recently completed my
bechelors
Correct your spelling
bachelors
bachelor's
 in Pharmaceutical science. I am a hardworking and dedicated student who
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to pursue
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher studies in the
renowed
Correct your spelling
renowned
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of London. As I mentioned, I am a pharmacy
graduated
Replace the word
graduate
show examples
, I want to join the post-graduate
course
Use synonyms
 known as DPharma at London University. The ambition for
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
 is to gain more useful knowledge about my field of study and get a desired job in future.
This
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
 contains several aspects that would assist me in my upcoming career which involves professional hands-on training and a number of interpersonal skills.
Healthcare
Correct article usage
The healthcare
show examples
 industry always seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
great
customers
Change the noun form
customer
show examples
 skills
along with
Linking Words
 accurate knowledge which I believe
this
Linking Words
course
Use synonyms
 offers me.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I need
this
Linking Words
 financial help because I am
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
 as a part-time assistant
which
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 savings are not enough
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 abroad. My parents can help me partially but I
also
Linking Words
aquire
Correct your spelling
require
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 for my accommodation and miscellaneous expenses. I would really appreciate I could get some
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 on
this
Linking Words
 matter and thank you for giving me
this
Linking Words
oppertunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to apply for
this
Linking Words
 help. yours faithfully, Rajdeep Kaur
Submitted by rajdeepdosanjh55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that you use paragraphs to break up different sections of your content, making it easier to follow.
task achievement
Although you have responded to the task, providing more specific details about the course content and how it directly relates to your career could enhance your response.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors to improve clarity. For example, 'oppertunity' should be 'opportunity', and 'assitance' should be 'assistance'.
task achievement
You have maintained a suitable writing tone throughout the letter, which makes your request sound genuine and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, adding to the professionalism of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: