There are more workers to work from home and more students to study from home. This is because computer technology is more accessible and cheaper. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Mankind has entered
in
the information age. Miscellaneous electronic devices, Change preposition
apply
such
as desktop computers and smartphones, allow us to study and work
from own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
home
. More and more people begin to get education and Fix the agreement mistake
homes
job
in the distant format. Is Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
it the
the
positive or negative development? Correct article usage
a
This
social issue will be discussed further
.
Firstly
, we will discuss the positive arguments. It permits Correct article usage
a significantly
significantly
Change the word
significant
to
increaseFix the infinitive
apply
Change preposition
in a
a
distribution of some services. Correct article usage
the
For example
, pedagogues can teach their students around the world and IT-qualified specialists can work
for any
foreign firms. Thereby Correct quantifier usage
apply
this
global trend promotes improving
of intercultural interactions and simplification of study and career perspectives in underpopulated regions. Replace the word
the improvement
Besides
, remote workers don't waste their time to come
to Change the verb form
coming
work
and company
don't spend money on Correct article usage
the company
a
rent of Correct article usage
the
office
.
From global economic Correct article usage
the office
consequences
I can point out a capital flight from rich countries to poor ones. Inasmuch as companies have a benefit to employ workers from less successful countries. Ergo, it will Add a comma
consequences,
be
foster an economic growth of the poor Unnecessary verb
apply
thus
our world will become more just.
Secondly
, we will discuss the negative arguments. First and foremost, the main problem is a sedentary lifestyle which can be the cause of many diseases, for instance
, osteochondrosis and myopia. Also
, a shortage of face-to-face meetings can have a negative effect for
mental state.
The experience of remote education in COVID-19 Pandemiс was ambivalent, many Change preposition
on
researches
discovered that school test results drastically reduced Correct your spelling
researchers
hence
further
development of this
approach can be pernicious.
In conclusion, I opine that it is a good practice on the whole. We shouldn't create obstacles to progress, quite the contrary, we should rebuild our current views on some problems. May more people work
from their home
the way it is convenient for them.Fix the agreement mistake
homes
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on
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task achievement
Your introduction includes a good overview of the topic, but it lacks a clear thesis statement. Adding a clear thesis statement that outlines your main argument would strengthen your introduction.
task achievement
While you do cover both positive and negative aspects, your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. Including more concrete examples will make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "pedagogues" and "osteochnodrosis" are not commonly used in everyday English. Simplifying your language where appropriate can improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally cohesive, but they could flow more smoothly with the use of better linking words and transitional phrases. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers both the positive and negative aspects of remote working and studying, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively wraps up the essay and provides a clear stance on the issue, which helps to reinforce your main arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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