In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? [268]
In the era of technology, more and more
people
consider keeping information
in books as an obsolete method. Instead
, they take advantage of the Internet
to create a new form of storing knowledge. From my point of view, its benefits are outweighed by its negatives.
On the one hand, there are two main advantages of saving information
through
technology. Firstly
, storing knowledge online can be much more convenient and beneficial. In light of the wide sources of data on a myriad of websites, people
can access and search for details into
an array of fields effortlessly. Change preposition
in
People
can carry out this
practice at their disposal since this
only requires some kinds of electronics such
as mobile phones and tablets. Secondly
, storing information
on the Internet
can be illustrated under
various forms that include both texts and images, even sounds. Change preposition
in
This
helps people
understand certain subjects more detailedly and thoroughly. This
mechanism also
provides people
with opportunities to enjoy a chapter of their favorite
book when running or cooking by using podcasts and audiobooks Change the spelling
favourite
for instance
. Similarly
, people
can download songs and videos on the Internet
to enjoy at their convenience.
On the other hand
, this
method has two significant drawbacks.Firstly
, users must be aware of irrelevant information
on the Internet
. As a result
of technological improvements, there are more and more computer hackers who can spoil people
’s intellect seriously by changing information
and updating unverified information
.This
can be especially dangerous with silver surfers and children that
do not have enough awareness and can easily believe in some kinds of tabloid journalism. Correct pronoun usage
who
Secondly
, storing data on the Internet
can cause plagiarism. Because there are millions of people
accessing the Internet
each day, it is unavoidable for prospective writers to be plagiarized and copyrights
infringements can spring up. Some Change the noun form
copyright
people
still do it to earn money although
they know this
affair is not permitted. This
can utterly affect people
’s individualism and their own creativity.
All things considered, although
storing knowledge on the Internet
is a beneficial mechanism, it is clear that
its drawbacks are greater than its advantages. Humans should be aware of the
online Correct article usage
apply
information
in order to shield themselves from danger.Submitted by Andy on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the Internet, making a clear argument that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. To further improve, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance readability. Tightening the transitions between paragraphs and points would also help.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are well-structured and logically presented, try to better link paragraphs using transition phrases such as 'furthermore', 'similarly', and 'in addition'. Aim to develop a clearer progression through your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that align well with the overall argument.
task achievement
The examples given are relevant and support your main points effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example