IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

, The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.

, The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.
#show #proportion #people’s #european #country #commodities #services
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the amount of people's money that they spent on various commodities and services in a European country in 1958 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2008
Overall
, in 1958 humans preferred to spend their budget mostly
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, housing and clothing.
However
, in 2008 adults
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 their
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
 for housing,
then
 for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and for different luxury goods (both 17%). The most noticeable thing in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 chart is that many adults used 72% of the whole budget
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 necessary staff
such
 as food,
houses
Wrong verb form
housing
show examples
 and clothes.
Other part
Change the wording
Another part
Other parts
show examples
 of
bill
Add an article
the bill
show examples
, nearly
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 % of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 they
splended
Correct your spelling
spend
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 entertainment, some luxury things and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
sales in 2008, the biggest percentage of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 went to housing, 32% respectively.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the second place,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and luxuries were very popular for humans,
Correct article usage
a totally
show examples
totally
Replace the word
total
show examples
34
Change preposition
of 34
show examples
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. To compare products in luxury categories,
itwas
Correct your spelling
it was
 most unpopular for humans in 1958.
Submitted by olqa.zvereva01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • expenditure
  • commodities
  • services
  • necessities
  • luxury goods
  • trends
  • significant changes
  • expenditure
  • housing and utilities
  • summarize
  • highlight
  • primary trends
  • fifty-year period
  • economic growth
  • technological advancements
  • societal values
  • analyze
  • observe
What to do next:
Look at other essays: