The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons

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The graph illustrates the numeral information about the various activities among the

people

Use synonyms

located in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 to 2020.

Overall

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, it is evident from the graph that among these 5 activities, the majority of the

people

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participated in film club

activity

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however

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, the musical performances had a minority participation among the others from 2005 to 2020. The Community lost their interest in

Amateur

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dramatics

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activity

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while

Linking Words

their interest in table tennis drastically increased

at the end

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this

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period.

Initially

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, participants were more willing in

amateur

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dramatics

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this

Linking Words

number increased from 24 to 29

during

Change preposition

from

show examples

2000 to 2005

Nonetheless

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this

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chiffre diminished sharply in 2005 and arrived at less than 10

people

Use synonyms

in 2020.

In contrast

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for table tennis,

this

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graph changed differently. From 2000 to 2010 the amount of society who decided to allocate their time to

this

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activity

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increased slightly from 18 to 20

whereas

Linking Words

this

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number surged substantially and arrived at 52 participants from 2010 to 2020 close to the Film club

activity

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second

place

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. The digit of Martial arts fluctuated over these 20 years and stayed at 37

at the end

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this

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period which achieved third

place

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this

Linking Words

figure. For the musical performances and the

Amateur

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dramatics

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, they stayed fourth and fifth

place

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respectively with number of 18 and 5 participants. In conclusion, despite the fact that

people

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lost their own enthusiasm for

Amateur

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dramatics

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, the community had a noticeable interest in Film club

activity

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during

this

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time when table tennis found its own

place

Use synonyms

in society.

Submitted by nasiri.behnam1994 on Sat Aug 17 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, activity, amateur, dramatics, place with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

participation rates
trends
significant increases/decreases
stable numbers
fluctuations
overall participation
comparison
activities
social centre
Melbourne
participants
highlight
report
graph illustrates/demonstrates
20-year period
key features
main features
statistical data
variations

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?