IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The following bar chart illustrates the percentage of five different
age
Use synonyms
 groups of both genders who regularly exercised in Australia in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 women exercised more often in most of the
age
Use synonyms
 groups provided in the chart. The number of
men
Use synonyms
 in the 15-24
group
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 higher. The
men
Use synonyms
 accounted for more than half of all the people who exercise daily in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 14 to 24,
while
Linking Words
 the 25 to 34
group
Use synonyms
 accounted for 42.2% and 48.8% for
men
Use synonyms
 and women, respectively. The proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 was lowest in the 35-44
group
Use synonyms
 at 39.5%.
However
Linking Words
, for females, their proportions remain significantly higher than
men
Use synonyms
 in groups of 35-44,45-54, and 55-64 at 52.5%, 53.3% and 53% respectively. Looking at our
last
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
(65 and over), it is interesting to note that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 almost equals the number of females in total. but, here
also
Linking Words
 women lead the margin with a slight proportion at 47.1%; the figure for
men
Use synonyms
 remained at 46.7%

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: