IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is an individual's responsibility to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the epoch of globalization, an increase in the number of
crime
Use synonyms
 cases has
also
Linking Words
 been observed. Some
people
Use synonyms
 perceive that it is solely the responsibility of governments to prevent increased
crime
Use synonyms
 rates,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
individuals
Use synonyms
 are responsible for protecting themselves from criminality.I contend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is states’ duty to limit the rate of
crimes
Use synonyms
 because
government
Use synonyms
authorities
Use synonyms
 are responsible for enforcing
laws
Use synonyms
 and sentencing punishment.
People
Use synonyms
 believe in the fact that protecting other citizens is the responsibility of a
country
Use synonyms
,but
nevertheless
Linking Words
 little has been done by the
government
Use synonyms
. Implementation of
Laws
Use synonyms
 improves the
overall
Linking Words
 structure of a
country
Use synonyms
, which helps in minimizing the rates of
crime
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
authorities
Use synonyms
 must observe that
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 are following rules and maintaining the system.
People
Use synonyms
 who are held guilty
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 indulging themselves in severe
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
, must be incarcerated in national prisons.
This
Linking Words
 will not only spread fear among
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 prohibit them to not
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into any criminal act.
For example
Linking Words
, reports state that
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of participation in criminal exercises has been reduced
inFrance
Correct your spelling
in France
70
Change preposition
by 70
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
, since the
government
Use synonyms
 implemented strict
laws
Use synonyms
,
last
Linking Words
 year.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is important that the
government
Use synonyms
 protects the state from
crimes
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 think that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should restrict themselves to not get involved in criminal activities.
Although
Linking Words
 it is important that
individuals
Use synonyms
must
Verb problem
apply
show examples
refrain from them, it can only be done if
people
Use synonyms
 are supervised by the
authorities
Use synonyms
. Many
individuals
Use synonyms
 indulge in activities
such
Linking Words
 as
cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
, bank
heist
Fix the agreement mistake
heists
show examples
 and organised
crime
Use synonyms
,
for
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they do not have money to run their houses.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 lacking enough opportunities and being rejected by the companies every time encourage them to take part in
such
Linking Words
crimes
Use synonyms
. These activities not just impact
people
Use synonyms
 or the economy, but
also
Linking Words
 display a poor image of the
country
Use synonyms
.
According To
Linking Words
 studies, increased
crime
Use synonyms
 rates in India
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 decreased tourism by 85%. So, individual roles play a significant role in decreasing criminal records. In a nutshell, it is imperative that the
government
Use synonyms
 supervises that
laws
Use synonyms
 are fully abided by the citizens and
people
Use synonyms
 must
also
Linking Words
 constrain themselves in involving
crimes
Use synonyms
. I would suggest that specific
authorities
Use synonyms
 must look into
this
Linking Words
 serious matter and play their role in declining the
crimes
Use synonyms
, which,in turn, will make a progressive
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by uroojzulqernain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay introduces both viewpoints more clearly in the introduction for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing to avoid large blocks of text, enhancing readability and clarity.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which provide a strong framework to your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
What to do next:
Look at other essays: