The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of Australian
men
and women across
age
groups who engaged in the exercise in 2010.
Overall
, a marked trend toward
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
percentage can be seen almost in
women
Correct determiner usage
all women
show examples
groups,
although
variation
Fix the agreement mistake
variations
show examples
in level and rate are evident. Women’s
group
by
age
45 to 54 recorded the largest
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
number of participants
show examples
reaching 53.3 percent. The second largest dominance of the female
group
is shown by the 55 to 64
age
group
(53%) followed by the 35 to 44
age
group
(52.5%). On the other side,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
of
men
that
Correct word choice
who
show examples
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
regular exercise
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
dominated by the
age
of 15 to 24 with a participation rate reaching 52.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
is the largest number of
men
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing physical exercise.
Men
’s
group
by
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
65 and over demonstrated the second largest male
group
in doing regular physical activity. The lowest participation rate of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
two groups
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
47.1 % for women aged a 65 and over and 39.5 % for
men
aged 35 to 44.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, age, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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